The Heat announced Monday that they will retire the jersey of a guy who played 205 games for them, was the second-best player on a championship team and then turned into a bit of a sore thumb thanks to his sore feet.
So congratulations, Shaquille O'Neal. You get to join the illustrious ranks of fellow Heat legends Alonzo Morning and Tim Hardaway and ... Michael Jordan and Dan Marino.
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If you're confused, you probably should be. The Heat, more than any other organization in sports, seem to make their retired jersey selections based on fame over any other reasonable framework. Eddie Jones and Glen Rice spent important, All-Star parts of their primes with this franchise but can't get nods.
That's not to say Jones and Rice should have retired jerseys. Some teams have looser standards — the Suns have a ton of retired jerseys for a franchise with no titles — while others are very tight. The Blazers were hyper-accomodating to those on their one championship team but didn't retire Jerome Kersey's jersey until he died.
And the Heat are hardly the only ones to draw on a specific form of nostalgia and fame for their selections. The Hawks had many better unretired players to choose from than Dikembe Mutombo, who spent more time with the Nuggets in a well-traveled career, but they wanted to attract fans who favorably recall his All-Star years in Atlanta but have never heard of Cliff Hagan.
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But the Heat are by far the weirdest. They love that spotlight. LeBron James now looks like a lock, if O'Neal's up there. Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem and Chris Bosh had better get retired when their playing careers end, too. But here are five other big names who could cause a splash:
Elsa Benitez
The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model was married to former Heat star Rony Seikaly for six years. Who cares that it happened after Seikaly had left the Heat? Benitez is modeling superstar. They could hang the swimsuit she wore for her 2001 cover shoot.
Jesus Shuttlesworth
Look, Ray Allen only played two seasons with the Heat. That's more than Jordan or Marino, but let's not jump at put him on the list quite yet. Still, that shot was memorable, and I'm guessing people in the Heat organization have seen "Hoop Dreams" because "Hoop Dreams" is great.
Jeff Van Gundy
If Van Gundy hadn't grabbed Mourning's leg, we would have been robbed of the most memorable moment in franchise history. Also, his brother coached the Heat. Not sure if that helps.
Marlins Man
Hey, he goes to Heat games sometimes! Laurence Leavy, the sports world's most ubiquitous fan (though less so now), had a good idea that he maybe took further than was ideal. Throw his jersey up there!
Mario Chalmers
Ha. Just kidding.
