You're killing me, Sandlot.
'The Sandlot' — a film firmly entrenched on the pantheon of movies millennials will defend to the point of irrationality (alongside 'Space Jam,' 'Mean Girls' and OG Disney Channel originals) — was released on April 7, 1993. This month marked the movie's 23rd birthday — if, you know, you can equate emerging from the birth canal with a box office release.
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23 years old. Like, 'The Sandlot' is old enough that going to bars isn't even novel anymore; it's moved on to breweries, to turning to its nearest friend, craft beer in hand, exclaiming in a half-whisper, "I think I finally found a place that fits my vibe, man."
Millennials like me will use this anniversary, inevitably, to enrage our middle-aged coworkers by exclaiming things such as "Oh my god, I'm so old!" or "Where has the time gone?" as we weep quietly at our desks, waxing nostalgic to an inattentive cubicle wall, listening to "No Diggity" on loop in an effort to reclaim and remember the '90s for the fourth time this week.
Maybe that was just me.
The Sandlot is 23 years old today.
— Cory Collins (@CoCoCoryCollins) April 7, 2016
23 years old.
Today. pic.twitter.com/pofPFwK1Iq
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Anyway, The Sandlot holds a special place in the hearts of most sane fans of baseball movies. Beautifully quotable and perfectly nostalgic, movie-watchers that span generations have fallen in love with "Benny the Jet" Rodriguez, learned to like Mr. Myrtle and spent the rest of their lives cursing poor Scotty Smalls in random situations.
The first time you found out you'd graduated to medium tee shirts: "You're killing me, Smalls." The first time you stepped out of a cold-water pool and saw people staring at the trunks suction-cupped to your pelvis: "You're killing me, Smalls." The first time you ordered a small soda at Wendy's and they handed you a literal sugar silo and some Tums: "You're killing me, Smalls."
The references have been kept so fresh that the movie still feels young — eternally innocent, childish, cute. It appeals to the best of baseball and reminds us of an era where kids played the pastime without having to attach themselves to a travel team and empty their parents' savings accounts to do so.
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It also, in turning 23, reminds us a lot of time has passed.
Do a Google search for "The Sandlot: Where are they now?" and you'll get more than 500,000 results. It's an annual piece of internet cocaine that a certain subset of kids (at heart) can't resist. You'll find out that Smalls has since been arrested, for headbutting a cop no less. Mike Vitar (aka Benny, aka everyone's man-crush Monday at some point) is a firefighter. The guy who played Kenny raps. Et cetera.
But in our hearts, they never age. Because our hearts are not brains and do not properly comprehend the passage of time, nor do they objectively see The Sandlot as anything but timeless, despite the timestamps of the VCR era proliferating the film.
We just remember the Babe Ruth baseball. The Beast. The Babe's wisdom that fed our unrelenting, idealistic ambitions: "Heroes get remembered but legends never die. Follow your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong."
So here's to the movie that will never die — 23-years young — from a millennial who almost certainly will. And soon. Because oh my god The Sandlot is 23 and I can't even.