Mark Teixeira at center of two stupid Subway Series controversies

Jesse Spector

Mark Teixeira at center of two stupid Subway Series controversies image

NEW YORK — After the Yankees had beaten the Mets 9-5 on Wednesday night at Yankee Stadium, in what could best be described as a stupid game of baseball, Joe Girardi was asked if the Subway Series needed “a little extracurricular to inject some life into it.”

The extracurricular at hand was Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira yelling at Mets pitcher Steven Matz after the left-hander hit him with a pitch in the fifth inning, the first at-bat for Teixeira after a three-run homer in the second inning put the Yankees ahead to stay. Benches and bullpens emptied, with cooler heads quickly prevailing.

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The correct answer as to whether anybody needed this, Subway Series or otherwise, was a resounding no.

“We were over there (at the Mets' park, Citi Field, on Monday and Tuesday), and I thought the environment was good,” Girardi said. “I thought it was loud and I thought the fans were really into it. I thought the fans were really into it tonight. I don’t think we need it. You don’t want players getting plunked, and you’re getting warnings (from umpires). That’s not something you need, but it provided a little something.”

The “little something” was profound stupidity wrapped up in masculine ego and bravado, as per usual when it comes to some kind of perceived slight. Because Teixeira had homered in his previous at-bat, somehow there became a thought Matz was throwing at him on purpose.

Matz has hit five batters in 119 innings this year, or one per 23.8 innings. The major league average is once every 26 innings. He’s not a headhunter, or a leghunter, as was the case when he hit Teixeira. The southpaw’s body language also told a pretty clear story of “That one got away” rather than “Ha, ha, payback!” The situation also lined up against a purposeful plunking, as the Mets, down 6-3 at the time, had no interest in giving the Yankees a free baserunner in a game they very much wanted to win in the midst of a playoff race.

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“We know Steven Matz,” Mets skipper Terry Collins said. “He didn’t throw at anybody.”

The stupidest thing of all was that Teixeira knew it, too.

“Listen, I know Matz is a good kid,” Teixeira said. “I like him a lot and I’ve talked to him a few times. But, listen, when you hit a home run and the next pitch is not even close and it hits you, it just looks bad. So, I just told him I didn’t appreciate it. … Because I know he’s a good kid, I like Steven, I was like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ If it was on purpose, it’s uncalled for. If it wasn’t, it just looked really bad in the situation.”

Except, it didn’t. It looked like, for the fifth time this year, Matz lost control of a pitch badly enough to hit a batter. You can give Teixeira some slack in the moment because there’s going to be adrenaline after you get hit by a 93 mph pitch, but why continue to cast aspersions about intent hours later, while simultaneously acknowledging that you think an intentional drilling would be out of character?

Teixeira then found himself dealing with false accusations of baseball misdeeds coming his way, because in the seventh inning, Hansel Robles believed the veteran first baseman was stealing signs. Teixeira had drawn a walk and moved to second base on a walk to Chase Headley when Robles became flustered and started yelling at Teixeira, to the point that two infielders had to come to the mound to talk him down to pitch again.

“That’s not the way you play baseball,” Robles said in the Mets' clubhouse, as reported by Anthony DiComo of MLB.com. “You have to play baseball as a man.”

Please spare us all.

For one thing, this is the same Robles who was suspended for the first two games of this season because he threw at Phillies catcher Cameron Rupp last October — on a quick pitch. He’s not exactly the guy who should be giving a lecture on how to play baseball.

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Also, stealing signs is a practice as old as the game itself. There’s nothing unbecoming about doing it, let alone unmanly, whatever that is supposed to mean in this context.

And, of course, there is a simple counter to sign-stealing, so simple, it’s a wonder Robles didn’t just call his catcher out to do it.

“If you think I have ‘em, change your signs,” Teixeira said. “Don’t challenge me to a duel.”

That would have been the next logical step. Fortunately, over the span of 212 years and two rivers from Alexander Hamilton’s death, resolution of perceived slights against oh-so-fragile masculinity can be resolved by getting snippy at one another while wearing pajamas on a patch of grass and dirt in front of thousands who have paid to see it. Hooray for progress.

Jesse Spector