I’m not even going to pretend like the No. 1 quote for this list will be a surprise.
There is, of course, crying in baseball. But the way Tom Hanks — as former slugger Jimmy Dugan — delivers his iconic line is pretty unforgettable, and very repeatable. Do a quick Google search for T-shirts with “There’s no crying in baseball” and you’ll find quite a large selection of options.
MORE: The 10 best baseball movies of the ’90s, ranked
But the movie “A League of Their Own” isn’t just about that one line. It’s a damn fine movie, from the story to the dialogue and everything else. Continuing our series of ranking the best quotes from baseball movies, here are the best 19 quotes from “A League of Their Own.”
MORE GOOD QUOTES: "Major League" | "The Sandlot" | "Bull Durham"
19. ‘I could certainly use the money.’
The setup: It’s the end of the first game and Ira Lowenstein, the man charged with turning this league into a viable product, is talking with Jimmy Dugan, who barely moved all game. Dugan makes it clear he doesn’t care, at all, about the league, then spits out a wad of chewing tobacco onto Lowenstein’s shoe.
Lowenstein: “If we paid you just a little bit more, Jimmy, could you be just a little more disgusting?”
Jimmy: “I could certainly use the money.”
Why it’s the best: All Jimmy heard was “paid you a little bit more” and he got all hopeful.
18. ‘Well, it would bruise the hell out of me.’
The setup: Ernie Capadino, the scout, is talking with Dottie and Kit as they milk cows at the dairy. A city boy, clearly, he has a question.
Capadino: “Doesn’t that hurt them?”
Dottie: “Doesn’t seem to.”
Capadino: “Well, it would bruise the hell out of me.”
Why it’s the best: Jon Lovitz is pretty damn funny in his small role. Kinda wish they would have found a way to weave him back into the storyline. Oh, well.
17. ‘I have seen enough to know I have seen too much!’
The setup: Kit Keller has just bowled over her big sister to score the winning run in Game 7 of the World Series, and the PA guy is going a bit crazy in all the excitement.
PA announcer: “Hinson dropped the ball! Hinson dropped the ball! The ballgame is over. Racine has won the game, 3-2, and the World Series. Oh, take me home mama and put me to bed. I have seen enough to know I have seen too much!”
Why it’s the best: I mean, “Hinson dropped the ball! Hinson dropped the ball!” is not quite “The Indians win the pennant! The Indians win the pennant!” but it’s not bad.
16. ‘Use Marla’s, it’s heavier!’
The setup: Evelyn’s boy, Stillwell (Angel), is just a pest, and the players have had enough. Mae — “All the Way Mae,” played by Madonna — chases him around the bus, which stopped because Stillwell covered the bus driver’s eyes and nearly made them crash.
Doris: “Mae, don’t use my bat. Use Marla’s, it’s heavier!”
Why it’s the best: Rosie O’Donnell delivers some great lines in this movie.
15. ‘Look out, Mr. Hitler. The Yanks are coming!’
The setup: Instead of a montage or narrator, they use old-fashioned newsreel clips to lay some of the story’s groundwork through the movie. Works well. This one’s early, talking about the need for female baseball players.
Newsreel announcer: “Baseball’s biggest stars say, ‘Look out, Mr. Hitler. The Yanks are coming! Not to mention the Indians, Red Sox and Tigers.’ ”
Why it’s the best: If the voice for the newsreel announcer sounds familiar, that’s because it is a familiar voice. It’s Harry Shearer of "The Simpsons" (and about a million other things) fame.
14. ‘That’s that lump three feet above our ass, right Jimmy?’
The setup: In the clubhouse before an important game. If the Peaches win, they make the playoffs. Jimmy Dugan walks in.
Jimmy: “Listen up. Something important has just happened. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out I get a bonus when we get to the World Series. So, let’s play hard, let’s play smart. Use your heads!”
Doris: “That’s that lump three feet above our ass, right Jimmy?”
Jimmy: “Well, some more prominent than others, Doris.”
Why it’s the best: A comfortable give-and-take that wasn’t exactly the player-manager dynamic when the season started.
13. ‘Sit here and I’ll see if I can dig up a pistol.’
The setup: The scout, Ernie Capadino, is on the train and the annoying guy next to him is already bragging before the train’s even started moving.
Salesman: “In the Pacific Northwest, which is my territory, we have increased sales 106 percent in the last 12-month period. And this with a war on.”
Capadino: “You know, if I had your job? I’d kill myself. Sit here and I’ll see if I can dig up a pistol.”
Why it’s the best: Lovitz’s delivery is just the best.
12. ‘By the way, I loved you in "The Wizard of Oz." ’
The setup: Jimmy, apparently, finally figures out who Miss Cuthbert, the team’s chaparone, reminds him of.
Jimmy: “By the way, I loved you in 'The Wizard of Oz.'”
Why it’s the best: As throwaway lines go, this one’s pretty funny.
11. ‘Well, thanks for that extra-special glimpse into her life.’
The setup: Dottie doesn't want to leave to play baseball, but Kit desperately wants to go. She's gotta get out of that town.
Capadino: “I don’t want you. I want her, the one who hit the ball. You can climb back under the cow.”
Dottie: “She’s good. She’s very good. She’s a pitcher. She just didn’t pitch today because she pitched the day before.”
Capadino: “Well, thanks for that extra-special glimpse into her life.”
Why it’s the best: The line itself isn’t that funny. The way Lovitz says it, though? Makes me laugh every time.
10. ‘Avoid the clap. Jimmy Dugan.’
The setup: Two kids run up to Jimmy Dugan, looking for an autograph.
Kid 1: “Mr Dugan? Will you sign my baseball?”
Jimmy: “Sure.”
Kid 1: “Wow! (reads the ball) Avoid the clap. Jimmy Dugan.”
Kid 2: “Wow!”(both run off)
Jimmy: “That’s good advice!”
Why it’s the best: The scene’s funny anyway, but the way Jimmy calls after the kids, defending what he wrote, is pretty amusing.
9. ‘Was that you or the umpire?’
The setup: Kit was tiring at the end of the game, and Dottie recommended that Jimmy take her kid sister out of the game. After the contest, Kit was furious that Dottie didn’t have her back in that conversation, and didn’t let her finish the game.
Dottie: “You know, I seem to remember last week somebody throwing a rosin bag in my face, telling me to get my fat ass back behind the plate. Was that you or the umpire?
Why it’s the best: I mean, because it was obvious Kit who said that.
8. ‘Boy, that was some good peein’!’
The setup: The Peaches finally meet their new manager, home-run legend Jimmy Dugan. And, by “meet” I mean he walked into the clubhouse, peed for about two minutes and walked out without so much as a word to any of the players. Mae got in a good line, though.
Mae: “Boy, that was some good peein’!”
Why it’s the best: She’s not wrong.
7. ‘Who’s Lou?’
The setup: Stillwell, the little rascal, had covered the bus driver’s eyes, which caused the bus driver to quit and leave them stranded. Jimmy finally wakes up from his stupor and wonders what is going on.
Jimmy: “Why have we stopped?
Miss Cuthbert: “Lou quit.”
Jimmy: “Who’s Lou?”
Betty: “The driver.”
Why it’s the best: Yes, I'm aware this might be ranked higher than you would have it. But the way Hanks asks/yells incredulously, “Who’s Lou?” is amusing and something I’ve copied pretty much every time I hear someone mention the name Lou.
6. ‘That’s the second time he’s dropped that Bible since she’s been in there.’
The setup: Mae is doing a confession at church, and the rest of the girls are waiting their turn. They all hear a “thump.”
Doris: “That’s the second time he’s dropped that Bible since she’s been in there.”
Why it’s the best: Mae and Madonna had a lot in common, I guess.
5. ‘I mean, look, there’s a lot of us. I think we’re all all right.’
The setup: The players are on the bus, and they’re starting to grow as friends.
Betty: “Doris, is this your boyfriend?”
Doris: “Yep.”
Betty: “Is it out of focus?”
Doris: “No, that’s how he looks.”
Betty: “Well, you know looks aren’t the most important thing.”
Doris: “That’s right. The important thing is he’s stupid, he’s out of work and he treats me bad.”
Kit: “They why?”
Doris: “Why? What do you think? Because none of the other boys … they always made me feel wrong, like I was some sort of a weird girl or a strange girl or not even a girl, just because I could play. I believed them, too, you know? But not anymore. I mean, look, there’s a lot of us. I think we’re all all right.”
Betty: “We are.”
Doris: “Give me that.”
(Doris rips up picture)
Doris: “So long, Charlie.”
Why it’s the best: It’s not the funniest scene/line, but it’s one of the best.
4. ‘Perhaps you chastised her too vehemently.’
The setup: The umpire comes over to see what’s happening with the commotion in front of the dugout.
Umpire: “What’s the matter, Jimmy?”
Jimmy: “She’s crying, sir.”
Evelyn: “I didn’t mean to do that.”
Umpire: “Perhaps you chastised her too vehemently. Good rule of thumb: Treat each of these girls as you would treat your mother.”
Jimmy: “Did anyone ever tell you you look like a penis with a little hat on?”
Umpire: “You’re outta here!”
Why it’s the best: I mean, the umpire was right. Jimmy should be nicer.
3. ‘See, how it works is, the train moves, not the station.’
The setup: Marla is scared to leave home, and she’s standing by her dad at the train station. Dottie and Kit, along with scout Ernie Capadino, are waiting.
Capadino: “You coming?”
(Marla nods)
Capadino: “See, how it works is, the train moves, not the station.”
Why it’s the best: Capadino is fluent in biting sarcasm.
2. ‘The hard is what makes it great.’
The setup: Dottie’s husband is back from the war, and she’s leaving right before the start of the World Series. Jimmy isn’t happy.
Jimmy: “Baseball is what gets inside you. It’s what lights you up. You can’t deny that.”
Dottie: “It just got too hard.”
Jimmy: “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.”
Why it’s the best: The hard, indeed, is what makes it great.
1. ‘There’s no crying in baseball!’
The setup: Jimmy’s finally starting to care about winning again, but he’s still pretty rough around the edges as a manager, dealing with the players. A throwing mistake by one of his outfielders got under his skin.
Jimmy: “Say, Evelyn. Can I ask you a question? You got a moment? Which team do you play for?
Evelyn: “Well, I’m a Peach.
Jimmy: “Well, I was just wondering. Because I couldn’t figure out why you would throw home when we’ve got a two-run lead. You let the tying run get on second and we lost the lead because of you. Now you start using your head. That’s the lump that’s three feet above your ass.
(Evelyn starts crying)
Jimmy: “Are you crying?”
Evelyn: “No.” (crying)
Jimmy: “Are you crying?”
Evelyn: “There’s no crying! There’s no crying in baseball!”
Doris: “Why don’t you leave her alone, Jimmy?”
Jimmy: “Oh, you zip it Doris. Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pig s—, and that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry?”
Evelyn: “No, no.”
Jimmy: “No. No. And you know why?”
Evelyn: “No.”
Jimmy: “Because there’s no crying in baseball. There’s no crying in baseball. No crying!”
Why it’s the best: This, of course, was the no-brainer choice.
