The Ryder Cup, some sort of international golf tournament (?), starts Friday at Hazeltine in suburban Minneapolis. Maybe it started already. Who knows! (Ed. — Match competition between the 12-member U.S. and European teams runs Friday-Sunday.)
Danny Willett, who won a Masters at some point in the fairly recent past (Ed. — 2016) is part of the European team. His brother Pete, in his regular column for nationalclubgolfer.com, got all mad and trolly. It's transparent, and he gets points deducted for the "basement dweller" reference, but it's a good way of drawing attention to such a minor event, so credit where it's due.
MORE: U.S. Ryder Cup roster
Stuff like "baying mob of imbeciles," "giggling group of reprobates" and "jelly faces" are all impressive turns of phrase for describining the American crowds that'll follow Willett for these two days, or four days, or whatever it is (Ed. — again, three).
More from Danny Willett's brother:
They need to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin.
They need to smash the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children. Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they’ll bellow ‘get in the hole’ whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society.
"Lego man hair!" For real, this is pretty good! If anyone other than an extreme niche audience cared about the Ryder Cup in general or Danny Willett specifically, it'd be even better.
You can watch Willett try to clean up his brother's mess on TV somewhere, presumably, then forget about it and both of them.