Is there such a thing as using too many quotes from baseball movies in real life?
Wait, don’t answer that. I already know. Not like it often stops me, though, and I’m quite sure that I’m not alone. And so, when I saw this tweet from the Beauty of A Game account on Twitter — remember Twitter? — I knew it was time for another movie quotes list.
The goal here is to highlight the quotes that translate easily into everyday life. The thing is, some of the greatest, most iconic baseball lines are pretty specific.
MORE QUOTES: “Major League” | “Bull Durham” | “The Sandlot”
Like when Kevin Costner says, “Hey dad? Wanna have a catch?” in “Field of Dreams.” Or when Kevin Costner says, “Don’t hold the ball so hard, OK? It’s an egg. Hold it like an egg” in “Bull Durham.” Or when Vin Scully says about Kevin Costner’s character in “For Love of the Game,” “Tonight, he will make the fateful walk to the loneliest spot in the world, the pitching mound at Yankee Stadium.”
All undeniably great lines, but it would be hard to find a way to work them into conversation regularly.
If this was completely subjective — just MY list, writing about baseball — I could probably use just about anything. I cannot even begin to guess the number of times I’ve said an outfielder was gonna need a visa to catch that long home run, or thought “that’s a ground ball with eyes” or run through the list of nicknames for Babe Ruth just like they do in “The Sandlot” every single time someone mentions the Ohtani vs. Ruth connection.
As with all of my movie quotes lists, this one started out with the possibility of being 50-plus deep. But, as with all of them, at some point I decided to whittle it down. This time, I settled on nine. Fair warning: This list is still highly subjective, and my favorite baseball movies are well represented.
Find some I missed? Hit me up on Twitter, if it’s still around when you read this.
9. ‘I hate this f—’ song.’
Movie: “Major League”
The setup: By this point in the movie, Cleveland’s baseball team — with real uniforms and everything — is rolling, and closer Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn is a rookie sensation. He steps out of the bullpen to come in and close the game, and his song starts playing. The camera zooms in on owner Rachel Phelps …
The quote: “I hate this f—’ song.”
Why it’s here: We all hate a lot of songs, right? And the great thing about this quote is this: The thing you hate doesn’t even have to be a song! You can sub in literally almost any object or movement or literally anything in there and spit it out with the disgust and contempt that would make Rachel Phelps proud.
8. ‘It’s a miracle.’
Movie: “Bull Durham”
The setup: You know this one. It’s the famous lollygaggers scene. The Eight and Sixteen scene. The Throw The Ball, Hit The Ball, Catch The Ball scene. But the most repeatable line for everyday life? It’s this one …
The quote: “It’s a miracle.”
Why it’s here: Because, y’know, things often seem like a miracle, and this works pretty much any time anything even remotely surprising happens.
7. ‘It’s supposed to be hard.’
Movie: “A League Of Their Own”
The setup: Dottie has told Jimmy she’s leaving. Her husband’s home from the war, and the situation with her kid sister, Kit, has gotten very complicated. Jimmy doesn’t want his best player leaving, not right when the games really matter. Dottie says it just got too hard.
The quote: “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.”
Why it’s here: I mean, most all of the good things in life are hard. You could use that line a half-dozen times every day for the rest of your life, probably.
6. ‘Four years ago, then.’
Movie: “Major League”
The setup: The new Cleveland ballplayers are showing up to spring training, one by one. GM Charlie Donovan is there with manager Lou Brown and two of his coaches. Donovan’s filling the coaches in on names, background, etc. Veteran catcher Jake Taylor hobbles out of the taxi as Donovan and Brown run over his resume, All-Star nods and injuries. Pitching coach Pepper Leach — an underrated quote star in the movie, by the way — says, “Wish we had him two years ago.” Donovan says, “We did.” And then …
The quote: “Four years ago, then.”
Why it’s here: Not gonna lie, I appreciate this line now more than I did many years ago, and I probably have it ranked higher than most would. Because now, time all meshes together and the difference between something that happened two years ago and something that happened four years ago is negligible. I feel ya, Pepper.
And we can’t talk about this scene without another highly quotable line, as Rick Vaughn hops off the back of a motorcycle, looking very much like, well, Rick Vaughn. Leach takes one look at him and says … “Look at this f—in' guy.” Perfect, and repeatable.
5. ‘Good Lord willing …’
Movie: “Bull Durham”
The setup: Crash is giving Nuke lessons on dealing with the media, specifically learning the cliches he needs when talking with reporters.
The quote: “I’m just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ball club. I know. Write it down. I just want to give it my best shot, and the good Lord willing, things will work out.”
Why it’s here: I mean, take your pick. They all work for just about any situation.
Go ahead, write them down.
4. ‘Candlesticks always make a nice gift.’
Movie: “Bull Durham”
The setup: The players are dealing with a lot of stuff on the mound as pitching coach Larry Hockett comes to see what’s happening. Parents are in the stands, a girlfriend put a curse on a glove and the only way to reverse it is cutting the head off a live rooster and nobody seems to know what to get Jimmy and Millie for their wedding. Larry has a level head, and he has a solution for at least one of the problems.
The quote: “Okay, well ... candlesticks always make a nice gift.”
Why it’s here: We can’t all be perfect gift-givers like Leslie Knope, so it’s good advice.
3. ‘It’s incredibly hard’
Movie: “Moneyball”
The setup: A’s front-office guru Billy Beane has brought one of his coaches, Ron Washington, along to Scott Hatteberg’s house on what’s essentially a recruiting pitch. Hatteberg’s a good hitter, but his days as a catcher are over. Too many injuries and he can’t throw the ball down to second, which is a pretty important part of being a catcher. Beane wants Hatteberg’s bat, though, and wants him to play first base. The lefty is a bit apprehensive because, well, he doesn’t know how to play first base. Beane tries to assure him that it’s not that hard, and he asks Washington to chime in.
The quote: “It’s incredibly hard.”
Why it’s here: Life, eh? Like we said above with the “A League of Their Own” quote, life is full of difficult things. Hard things. This quote’s just a touch more versatile, so it ranks higher.
2. ‘You’re killing me, smalls!’
Movie: “The Sandlot”
The setup: The guys are in the treehouse, and Ham Porter asks Scotty Smalls whether he wants a delicious treat. It’s a new treat for the new kid, and he’s a bit confused. It happens. What is Ham saying? Does he want s’more of what? And why is he saying that word funny? How can he have more of nothing? Finally, Ham’s had enough.
The quote: “You’re killing me, Smalls!”
Why it’s here: This line is so great. It’s iconic and it’s versatile!
1. ‘Cross him off, then.’
Movie: “Major League”
The setup: Owner Rachel Phelps has just handed out the list of players she’ll be inviting to spring training. Most of the guys — pretty much no-names, all the way down — are past their primes, and some of the guys never had a prime. And that one guy is dead.
The quote: “Cross him off, then.”
Why it’s here: First of all, the delivery of the line is just perfect. Margaret Whitton, who plays Rachel Phelps, is just a brilliant movie villain, and she’s never better than in this moment. And, yeah, pretty much every time I have to remove anything from any list — grocery store, baseball card set checklist, list of things to pack for a trip, whatever — I say to myself “cross it off, then” when appropriate. And then I smile.
