With WrestleMania 35 coming up this weekend, Jimmy Fallon decided to have kids write out taunts for the wrestlers to use on "The Tonight Show."
The kids kind of grasp the intention of trash talk, but their underdeveloped brains aren't really good at coming up with great insults. Also, they're kids so the language is softened up a bunch. But the wrestlers did their best to make these submissions sound as terrifying as possible.
Fallon brought out Braun Strowman, Carmella, Drew McIntyre, Alexa Bliss, Kofi Kingston and Seth Rollins to read off the taunts.
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Watch 'The Tonight Show' WrestleMania taunts
Now that you've watched the entire skit, let's go through each of the taunts below.
WRESTLEMANIA 35
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Taunt 1
This one gets off to a pretty solid start.
"You want a piece of me?" This is a classic trash talk line. I wouldn't even be surprised if the kids Googled "trash talk" and this phrase showed up as a top result. I am a little concerned it took two kids to write this little snippet. I get that Oliver is only 5 years old, but Emilia should have just gone solo with it.
I bet Oliver came up with the "Because when I'm kidding... I say knock knock!" part. Do better, Oliver.
Taunt 2
This one is just awful all around. How did two kids manage to make something so bad?
"Come at me, you noodle!" at least has some traits of being trash talk, but essentially is just nonsense. Calling someone a noodle won't get at the root of someone's pain like true trash talk would. You need to really hit the opposing person with some emotional trauma for effective trash talk.
Also, "I'll wax you New York style" makes absolutely no sense at all. Damion and Tina have no future in wrestling.
Taunt 3
JERRY IS A 5-YEAR-OLD PRODIGY!
Looking past the fact we have our second butt reference in three taunts, we need to really celebrate Jerry's creativity here. First of all, Jerry did this all by himself, unlike the other losers who needed to double-team this task. And he easily has the best taunt of the bunch.
This whole thing is a masterpiece in storytelling. Shoving his foot up his opponent's butt relates to the whole theme of violence throughout wrestling. And "you will be pooping toes for a week" is just a great sentence.
Taunt 4
Jared is the oldest of the kids so far, so I really expected a top-notch performance from him here.
I've gotta say I'm let down with the results. Lunches have nothing to do with WrestleMania, Jared. Do better.
Taunt 5
We're starting to hit the double-digit age groups now.
Finally, the age is showing off as Chase delivers a home run of an insult. I don't fully understand what this means, but I absolutely love it. This insult works because it's so confusing. If you hear this, you're spending the next week of your life thinking about the path that led you to looking like a potato-chicken nugget lovechild.
Taunt 6
Sixth taunt, third reference to butts. I don't have kids, but at this point I'm assuming 95 percent of their dialogue involves references to butts.
As for the taunt itself, I'm really let down by what Xavier and Mason have to offer. Your face and butt cannot be each other. Maybe they'll learn this once they reach a certain grade in school.
