“To say life is different now is an understatement."
Former Manchester United striker Andy Cole has plenty to dwell on after a difficult five years.
Back in 2015, the ex-England international fell ill having returned from a trip to Vietnam with United through his role as a club ambassador. Tests revealed he had suffered kidney failure. After two years of treatment, Cole was warned he could die without a transplant, which he received in 2017.
Three years after the operation, Cole believes there is a perception that he should be "well" now, but the 48-year-old is fighting a constant battle, both mentally and physically.
“I was talking to some of my old team-mates the other day and I told them it’s been the toughest five years of my life," he tells Goal. "I don’t think we really consider how much our health means to us until something happens and it’s opened my eyes to a lot of things as well. You realise the people who are prepared to stay around and those who aren’t. I’ve learned a lot.”
One of the biggest things Cole has had to learn was how to mentally deal with his illness.
During his time at United he won five league titles, the Champions League and three FA Cups. He was a winner. So for a sportsman with a winning mentality to accept that this was a battle he was not going to be able to win was difficult.
“I genuinely believed I could beat it at the start. Because of my sporting background and my mentality, I thought I would be okay.
"My mindset was that I would take it like an injury and I’d come back stronger. I would be alright and I’d be back in six months and I shouldn’t worry about it. I was being a typical man and telling myself to man up.
"Once I realised I wasn’t going to beat it I had to tell myself that I was ill, very ill, but even saying that I still didn’t want to accept it.”
After his retirement from playing in 2008, Cole remained active. He began coaching in 2009 while also flying all over the world representing United as an ambassador.
After his diagnosis, though, he found it difficult getting used to a new rhythm of life.
“Adapting for me was always going to be difficult, I’m used to doing things, and with no half measures, so I found it hard that I couldn’t do things the way I wanted.
"It was the first time my body had dictated what I could and couldn’t do, rather than the other way around, so that was tough. I had to accept my body couldn’t function the way it used to.
"Then there’s the mental games I was playing with myself. Coming from a sporting background you always want to push yourself to the limit. I always wanted more from myself and when I realised I couldn’t give any more I found myself getting really frustrated and questioning myself.”
One of the events Cole could not play a full part in was the Treble reunion game between United's side of 1999 and their Bayern Munich counterparts at Old Trafford in May 2019.
Cole could only manage a brief cameo appearance in the game as the rest of Sir Alex Ferguson's former charges celebrated the 20th anniversary of their famous win in Barcelona.
“We had spoken before the game and everyone knew where I was at,” he says. “Some of the boys were a bit disappointed for me because they wanted me to play a bit more, but mentally and physically I knew I couldn’t do it.
"It was nice for me to be able to be involved but on the flip side I’m still disappointed because I wanted to play. These are the things I have to try and accept.”
While Cole was disappointed he was not able to play the full 90 minutes, he did not have a bad word to say about the club that has supported him through his journey.
The former Newcastle United man credits the Red Devils for their backing throughout as continues to get used to his own new normality.
“I know what I want for myself and I always set myself goals of where I want to be and what I’m expecting from myself. I don’t like to accept defeat and there have been times where I have thought I’ve failed mentally. But it’s not a case of failure it’s more frustration about not being able to do what I want to do.”
Cole’s experiences have pushed him into setting up a fund to help others who are living with the same illness. Alongside Kidney Research UK he has launched the Andy Cole Fund to aid research into improving kidney transplants and patient wellbeing.
“I was inspired by the people I’ve come across and I just want to try and help anyone that’s in the position I’m in, or have been in. Naturally I want to raise as much money as possible but also to raise awareness.
"People don’t understand what the illness is. They think you just get better but that’s never going to be the case. All the medication messes with your system. Last year I was picking up chest infections for fun.”
As such, Covid-19 brings big challenges for anyone with an underlying health condition like Cole, but he is dealing with it in the same way he has dealt with the various other challenges he has faced over the past five years.
“Covid is difficult for a lot of people, but I don’t sit around rocking thinking about it. I’ve had the possibilities of illness for the last five years, so I have to work with it."
And when the country does return to a new kind of normal, Cole is hopeful his former team can finish the season on a high – should football resume as is planned.
“Before we had to close the season down with the pandemic we were really starting to pick up and play well and look like the Manchester United of old,” he added.
“Ole [Gunnar Solskjaer] has done really well. I have spoken to him a few times and he’s really enjoying it and genuinely believes he could take United forward.
“There was a bit of disappointment from everyone we had to call it quits at a time when everything was going well and with the way we were playing, but saying that, there are more important issues going on in the world, and that’s what we need to appreciate.”
