Tony Romo can see the future on the football field. But even Romostradamus couldn't predict the NFL's halftime TV commercial would be more entertaining than Super Bowl 53 itself.
There's no getting around it: This was the Boredom Bowl.
The Patriots' 13-3 win over the Rams was bad television. In a league built for explosive offense, this was the dullest big-game telecast since some of the grind-it-out snoozefests of the 1970s.
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When the announcers for the Super Bowl are joking about how boring the game is, you know you're in trouble. It showed in the ratings. Patriots-Rams drew a 44.9 overnight rating for CBS, down 5.2 percent from the 47.4 overnight for Patriots-Eagles on NBC last year, reported Austin Karp of SportsBusiness Daily.
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It's the lowest overnight for the Super Bowl since Steelers-Cardinals drew a 42.1 in 2009, Karp said.
The CBS Sports announce team of Romo, play-by-play announcer Jim Nantz and sideline reporters Tracy Wolfson and Evan Washburn did what they could. But this was like putting a silk hat on a pig. The power of TV is great. But no network can turn a bad NFL contest into a good telecast.
This was like a preseason game in August. Everything and everybody felt out of sync.
Brady got intercepted on his first pass. Pats kicker Stephen Gostkowski missed a field goal. Rams quarterback Jared Goff looked like a scared kid. After pitching a perfect game in the AFC Championship two weeks ago, CBS had an up-and-down night.
Romo and Nantz opened the game perfectly, joking about Romo's failure to make it to the Big Game as Cowboys quarterback.
"Welcome to the Super Bowl," declared Nantz.
"I've been waiting to hear 'Welcome to the Super Bowl' my whole life," Romo replied with a big smile.
Then the game began. Calling his first Super Bowl, Romo seemed nervous at first. His microphone went out in the first quarter, leaving Nantz to fill the dead air.
“Well, my mic works again so I can talk. … I was saying such good stuff on that play earlier Jim. It was fantastic," Romo said.
But then Romo loosened up, injecting some needed levity into the broadcast.
Romo's best moment came when he kidded Nantz about jinxiing Gostkowski by noting field goal kickers were 31-31 during Falcons games at Mercedes-Benz Stadium this season.
Sure enough, Gostkowski missed left.
"Was that one of your predictions," wondered Nantz.
Nantz had a funny line when Rams running back CJ Anderson was clotheslined by Deatrich Wise Jr. of the Pats.
"Greatest (clothesline) since 'The Longest Yard,'" quipped Nantz.
The announcers are making fun of how boring the game is. I don’t recall that ever happening before in the #SuperBowl. And it’s hard to blame them.
— Mike Greenberg (@Espngreeny) February 4, 2019
Still, there were areas for improvement by CBS.
After telling us in the beginning that Rams back Todd Gurley was going to get a lot of touches, CBS was a day late and a dollar short when it came to answering the biggest question from the game: Why was Gurley MIA for most of the game?
Was he hurt? Was he benched by coach Sean McVay? We never really got an answer for Gurley's disappearing act.
I also would have liked to see more analysis of how the Pats defense so thoroughly throttled the explosive Rams offense. Washburn had a good moment here when he noted how the loud, pro Patriots crowd was hurting the Rams.
By the time this barn burner reached the third quarter, Nantz noted the score was still only 3-0 "if you can believe it."
Both Romo and Nantz kept reminding viewers (and themselves) that one possession, one play, could turn the game around. But it didnt feel like it.
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When the Rams kicked a field goal to make it 3-3, Romo joked: "I cant believe it. We got points. I feel like we have a scoring spree going on.”
Noted Nantz: “Through three quarters, not a single touchdown to be found. 3-3.”
When Nantz threw it to Wolfson for her post-game interview with Brady, she was swallowed by a crowd of shoving, groaning and cursing photographers.
Poor Wolfson was practically trampled. But she gamely hung in there and waited for Brady to finish hugging it out with MVP Julian Edelman, coach Bill Belichick and Pats owner Robert Kraft.
The chaotic post-game scrum almost ruined Tom Brady's interview with CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson: https://t.co/vSJAlIuULR pic.twitter.com/8yzFysD5tw
— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) February 4, 2019
Rather than cutting to commercial, CBS stayed with Wolfson and the strange, chaotic scene. Finally, she corralled Brady. The sideline reporter's doggedness made her a hero on social media.
"Tracy Wolfson put up more of a fight for that interview than the Rams offense did to win the game," wrote one admirer on Twitter.
Tweeted another: "Waiting to see if Tracy Wolfson will ever get this interview has been the most riveting moment of the night."
Bottom line: There were almost no memorable plays Sunday night, the kind that make the all-time Super Bowl reel. About the only one was Brady's seam pass to Rob Gronkowski to set up the game's only touchdown by Sony Michel.
I was almost hoping for a power blackout like the one in Super Bowl XLVII between the Ravens and 49ers. At least it might have jump-started the sleeping Rams offense.
Even the Pepsi Halftime Show with Maroon 5 was a snore. The NFL had to use its tape-delay button multiple times to bleep singer Travis Scott's language. But nobody seemed to care.
CBS' Bill Cowher summed it up well at the end. On a day when almost everything went wrong for both teams, Super Bowl 53 all came down, again, to Brady making one final TD drive.
The highlight of the telecast for me was the NFL's incredible two-minute commercial with Odell Beckham Jr., Peyton Manning, Franco Harris, Terry Bradshaw, Jim Brown and other stars celebrating the league's 100th anniversary.
There was more action in that commercial than during the game. That's a sad commentary for a Super Bowl. But there's always next year.
