Do you know what the most-used word in the English language is? You’ve already read it twice in the previous sentence alone.
“The,” as in, The Ohio State University has submitted a trademark claim for the word "the,” to be used in conjunction with its name and logo on merchandise that would include T-Shirts, baseball caps and hats, among other items.
MORE: Ranking college footballs top 25 nonconference games of 2019Nevermind that it’s the most commonly used word in the English language, or that other universities include the word “the” in their official name, like The Citadel, or The University of Texas at Austin. What would even happen if TOSU’s claim was approved? Would it become "A Citadel?" "A University of Texas at Austin?"
Perhaps we should have seen this coming. I mean, how many times have you seen former TOSU players say they played for “THE” Ohio State University? TOSU has rightfully gotten ribbed after news of its trademark file broke, including from Ohio University and Michigan. Because when you make such an outrageous claim, you get made fun of.
But TOSU’s claim had us wondering: What if other universities tried to make similarly outlandish claims? Well, it might look something like this:
Miami: The letter “U”
It’s all about the U — no, seriously. The image of players holding up their hands in the shape of the “U” has become synonymous with the Hurricanes, and Miami’s official logo is just a giant orange-and-green variant of the letter. Serious question: Since “U” is short for university, would that mean other institutes have to change their official names to college? So then it’d be “The Ohio State College.”
Nebraska: Corn, cornhusks, etc.
No other university makes claim to the nickname “Cornhuskers,” so no team should complain if Nebraska files for corn, right? It’s not as if Nebraska doesn’t already use it in their merchandise. Just look at this piece from the Huskers’ official store. The only difference now is that no one can use corn in their merchandise. Iowa, Illinois and Indiana all strongly object to this claim, continuing the heated debate on which state produces the superior corn.
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Auburn, Missouri, LSU, Clemson: Tigers
While everyone else is gaping at Nebraska and TOSU’s audacity, Auburn, Missouri, LSU and Clemson all file for the name “Tigers” and any related imagery at the same time. Missouri has the strongest claim among the four, using the nickname ever since 1890. Auburn was the second of the four teams to use the name, going by the Tigers since 1892, followed by LSU and Clemson in 1896. All claims would eventually be thrown out because of the generic distinction of the name “Tiger.” Forty-six teams use some variation of the word as their nickname, second only to Eagles (76). LSU comes out of this as the big winner, considering it has already filed for the term “Bayou Bengals,” which objectively sounds way cooler than Tigers, anyway.
UCF: “2017 national champions”
Alabama may have won the 2017 College Football Playoff — the universally recognized method of winning the college football national championship — but that didn’t stop the Knights from declaring themselves champions. This is just the next logical step, one that ensures the Crimson Tide don't infringe on UCF’s title. No one particularly likes it (or takes it seriously), but then, there’s not much you can do to stop the Knights from claiming it anyway.
Stanford: Trees
Stanford already has an unregistered trademark in “Fear the Tree,” but it goes a step further and decides it wants to trademark all imagery of trees, everywhere. Nevermind that trees are not part of Stanford’s official nickname and that its mascot, the Stanford Tree, represents redwood trees, which are an important part of the Palo Alto community. The trademark would include spruce, dogwood, maple and — sorry TOSU fans — Ohio Buckeye.
