Why your favorite team isn't the mystery team in the Bryce Harper sweepstakes

Joe Rivera

Why your favorite team isn't the mystery team in the Bryce Harper sweepstakes image

Hello, Mystery Reader.

I know Chris is reading. John, too. But you, Mystery Reader, you're special.

Sometimes in big-time contract negotiations, the inclusion of Mystery Teams makes things as convoluted and intriguing as the end of "The Departed." It also sends fans into a frenzy, forcing them to wonder, "What if?" This week, MLB analyst and former GM Jim Bowden took to the Twitter Machine to add fuel to the Harper fire, using the magic buzzword in the process:

MORE: The five best free agents who aren't Machado or Harper

The Phillies, White Sox, Nationals, Dodgers and Padres have met with Harper, which leaves about 25 Mystery Teams. Luckily for me, I will be right about 29 of the teams listed below.

This offseason we've spent a ton of time trying to figure out why your team will sign Bryce Harper, so let's take some time to explain why it won't.

Yankees

Let's just get this one out of the way. The Yankees have already allotted a fair amount of money to free agents this offseason: Zach Britton, J.A. Happ, CC Sabathia and Brett Gardner all re-signed, while DJ LeMahieu and Adam Ottavino were big-splash additions. For those hoping for Harper (or Manny Machado), that door is pretty much closed, especially with management insisting on staying under the tax threshold.

MORE: Yankees not expected to add Harper, anyway

Red Sox

The Yankees' AL East rival, coming off a 108-win season and a World Series championship, already has a bloated outfield with Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi, Jackie Bradley Jr. and, occasionally, J.D. Martinez. Couple that with its insistence on shedding payroll, and the 26-year-old Harper isn't trading his Nats red for Boston. In fact, he's as likely to be in a Red Sox uniform next season as I am.

Rays

Do I really have to go there? OK, I will: It's the Rays. The day the Rays spend $200 million-plus on a big-name player will be the day Puigs fly.

Orioles

Is there a chance Harper could make his way up the Beltway? Sure; Baltimore hasn't always been a big-spending team, but it isn't afraid to hand out cash when necessary (Chris Davis, Line 1). But that's a pie-in-the-sky scenario considering the O's never had any intention of re-signing their own superstar — Machado. What changes with Harper?

Blue Jays

Jays GM Ross Atkins recently said he's "contemplating" signing the six-time All-Star to patrol the outfield. Well, I'm contemplating buying a yacht and a loft in a Manhattan high-rise, just so you know. Depending on how far Harper's price drops, he could be an intriguing option for Toronto, which has spent lots of money in the past and whose payroll eclipsed $162 million in 2018. It could happen, but don't count on it, eh?

MORE: But if Harper were to sign with Toronto…

Angels

The Angels have Mike Trout, and given his contract is up after the 2020 season, it would make sense to maximize that window. They're a bit away from contention now, but Los Angeles of Anaheim of California has had pockets as deep as an Adele song. Still, with top prospect Jo Adell coming up and with Justin Upton and Albert Pujols still on the books, it's hard to see LA of A of C adding another $30 million-per-year deal.

A's

That's not Moneyball, baby.

Mariners

Well, it's not a trade, so Jerry Dipoto likely wouldn't know how to bring in Harper. Besides, given the way the Mariners have shed and moved payroll this offseason, it's hard to see them making a serious run at him.

Astros

The Astros will have to make some contract decisions in the coming years — Carlos Correa, Alex Bregman and George Springer, namely — so adding another big-time contract likely would upset the balance. Houston owner Jim Crane said the Astros have room to grow the money on the books this offseason, but they should probably use that extra cash to bring back Dallas Keuchel instead.

Rangers

Despite some urgings from soothsayer Tony Romo, the other Texas MLB team likely doesn't want to attach itself to a big-money contract while being so uncertain about its future or current direction.

White Sox

Contrary to popular belief, the White Sox have won a World Series this century; what's more, it wasn't that long ago. Chicago is still a solid year or two from being contenders, however, and while Harper would certainly accelerate that timeline and put the club in the discussion for a division title, the White Sox need to show growth before being taken seriously, even though some of their young talent showed promise in 2018.

MORE: The cases for and against the five best fits for Bryce Harper

Twins

The Twins are out from under Joe Mauer's contract after his retirement. No disrespect to Minnesota, but does anyone see Harper going there? Plus, the Twins' payroll was never higher than it was in 2018 — roughly $131 million — and is set to be under $100 million in 2019. Unless Harper gives Minnesota a big, big discount, it ain't happening.

Indians

The Indians are trying to cut payroll, so why would they want to add when it comes to Harper? Plus, with Francisco Lindor getting more money through the arbitration process and the starting pitching needing to get paid soon, they'll need to reallocate resources to properly retool in the coming years.

Tigers

The Tigers didn't used to be ashamed of shelling out cash to improve their lineup — see Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder's contracts, to name a few. Both of those deals were made under the Dave Dombrowski regime, however, and Dombrowski was trying to win championships for an aging owner. I wouldn't expect the Tigers to open up the checkbook while the team is in flux and might be shipping off more pieces in the near future.

Royals

There's no way the Royals would pay that kind of money for Harper when they barely wanted to pay their own star free agents — Mike Moustakas and Eric Hosmer — a few years ago. 

Mets

New general manager Brodie Van Wagenen said it himself: The Mets have six outfielders. That's a crowd. Also, the Mets don't like to spend money, so there's that, too.

Nationals

They hardly qualify as a Mystery Team considering the offer they've reportedly made Harper, but at this point, you have to figure that if they wanted Harper back, he probably would have signed already.

Phillies

It seems like it's the Phillies and everyone else when it comes to Harper, so why hasn't he signed yet? Clearly, they aren't a Mystery Team, so maybe that disqualifies them from the process.

Marlins

The Marlins traded away the 2017 NL MVP and the eventual 2018 NL MVP and are in the process of trying to trade their star catcher. That's a no. 

Braves

Well, the Braves needed an outfield bat — that was, until they re-signed Nick Markakis to a one-year deal. The Bravos already made a splash in free agency, bringing in Josh Donaldson on a one-year, $23 million deal, but I'd imagine they're probably done this offseason unless it's for a pitcher.

Dodgers

The Dodgers sent lightning-rod outfielder Yasiel Puig and Matt Kemp to the Reds as part of a salary swap involving Homer Bailey. There would have been a spot for Harper in January before the Dodgers signed A.J. Pollock to a $50 million contract. There's still a shot LA gets him, but it's a long one.

Giants

New president of baseball ops Farhan Zaidi could make a splash by signing Harper, but again, the Giants are looking to shed payroll after finishing 2018 with the second-highest in the majors, more than $205 million. I'd expect them to move money before being in on someone like Harper, even if they needed him.

Rockies

The Rockies dumped a boatload of cash into their bullpen before the 2018 season and have been rumored to be wanting to sign star third baseman Nolan Arenado to a contract extension. While Harper launching dingers in Coors Field would be fun to watch, a deal now would be weird timing for both sides with the Rockies' window closing.

Padres

The Padres have not been shy about throwing around money when they think the guy is right: Wil Myers, Eric Hosmer, Jake Peavy. Though the Hosmer deal dwarfs others in franchise history, it's difficult to see Harper heading west, even with young talent on the way up to the big club.

Diamondbacks

Who knows what the Diamondbacks really are? They were unwilling to give Paul Goldschmidt a contract extension, shipping him off to St. Louis instead, and they didn't want to bring back Patrick Corbin after a career year. Now you're telling me they'd want to bring in Harper? I'd buy that for a dollar.

MORE: Grading the Paul Goldschmidt trade

Cubs

While the club's payroll issues have been blown a bit out of proportion, all the early talk of Harper wanting to play with fellow Las Vegas denizen Kris Bryant seemed equally overblown. With one bad contract still in the outfield (Jason Heyward) and a top-five payroll once 2019 rolls around, it doesn't seem financially feasible for the Cubs to make that move for the long term — at least not yet.

Pirates

The Pirates are going all-in on cost-controlled starting pitching. The largest contract the franchise has ever given out is a six-year, $60 million deal to Jason Kendall in 2000. 'Nuff said.

Cardinals

The Cardinals have a young roster and a reasonable payroll, but they also have a young, budding star in Harrison Bader patrolling the outfield. Not that Harper wouldn't help, but they've shied away from paying big bucks to star players not named Yadier Molina (Dexter Fowler is not a star) for a long time.

Reds

The Reds have done well to move money around while keeping their top prospects in place and improving for 2019, but to think the Reds would pay Harper's asking price while Puig and Kemp are still on the team (for now) seems a bit farfetched.

Brewers

Milwaukee made it to the NLCS in 2018 on the strength of NL MVP Christian Yelich's hot stretch in September. The Brewers historically haven't been a team to break the bank for free agents, and that's enough reason to expect that Harper won't join the Crew in 2019.

Joe Rivera