Athletes love taking their shirts off.
They do it for postgame interviews, pregame workouts, Instagram pictures, and any other occasion that might arise.
So when a purported bad tattoo became an excuse for Astros All-Star second baseman Jose Altuve to keep his shirt on after his pennant-winning, walk-off homer in the 2019 ALCS, it only added to rumors that the Astros were cheating.
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To recap: Astros shortstop Carlos Correa came to the defense of Altuve after a video showing a post-homer Altuve pleading with his teammates not to rip off his jersey went viral. This sparked debate over whether the Astros were wearing buzzers under their jerseys to let them know what pitch was coming. Correa tried to explain Altuve's reluctance to appear shirtless, and gave us two theories.
"I [previously] ripped off his shirt, and his wife told my wife, 'Why is Carlos ripping Altuve's shirt? I don’t like that.' So when he's running from third base to home plate, I'm the guy up front. The first one waiting for him. He's like, 'Don't take my shirt off.' The second reason — he doesn't want me to talk about this, but I'm going to say it, is because he's got an unfinished tattoo on his collarbone that honestly looked terrible. It was a bad tattoo, and he didn't want nobody to see it. He didn't want to show it at all."
Altuve's agent Scott Boras gave us a third theory, and chalked it up to "the shyness of Jose Altuve."
All of these excuses are getting hard to keep track of, especially when so much evidence contradicts them. So here's the definitive timeline of Altuve's tattoo: when he had it, when he didn't, and what it means. Let's dive in.
2017-2018 season: No tattoo
As far as we can deduce, Altuve did not have a tattoo before 2019. He's been shirtless a bunch of times in Instagram pictures, so unless he's Facetuning his chest, no dice on the ink.
However, this slew of shirtless pictures pokes a hole in Boras' defense: Altuve clearly is not shy. He has pictures like these from 2018 and earlier:
There's even this picture from 2014, likely taken by his wife as they were on vacation together at the time. So there goes another theory: Altuve's wife was, at one time, fine with him being shirtless.
Tattoo? Not yet. Shy? Not likely.
April 7, 2019: Altuve walk-off vs. the Athletics
Altuve draws a bases-loaded walk from A's closer Blake Treinen to complete a three-game sweep of Oakland. But the important part of this game is what Altuve does after.
As he rounds the bases, Correa and Tony Kemp are waiting at home plate to rip off Altuve's jersey, which the self-professed shy guy seems to embrace.
And, again, we narrow down the tattoo timeframe: Nothing here.
July 29, 2019: Off day
This is the last time we see Altuve shirtless, because, according to Correa, his wife would be against a 10-second shot on live TV, but she's fine if he posts it himself to live on the internet for eternity. But! No tattoo here.
If his wife is concerned with people seeing him shirtless, keep in mind that this post received almost 120,000 likes and probably countless more views. The average Astros television broadcast in 2018 was viewed by only 91,000 households. Another potential hole in Correa's excuse.
Now that we've narrowed down the timeline, we know that if Altuve gets a tattoo, he does it after July and before the World Series. Unfortunately, this is where the trail runs semi-cold, but we have a lead.
Altuve has told reporters that he got his tattoo in San Francisco during the middle of last season and it was done in two sections. While the Astros didn't play San Francisco at all last year, they did make three trips to Oakland, and one of those trips was Aug. 15-18, slightly after the middle of the season. We have a potential date range, but no before and after pictures.
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Oct. 20, 2019: Altuve stays clothed
Altuve hits the now-infamous homer off Aroldis Chapman that sends his team to the 2019 World Series.
As he rounds the bases, you can see him frantically motioning to his jersey and shaking his head and finger in a "no" gesture.
This becomes one of the key pieces of evidence for people who believe the buzzer theory.
Oct. 29, 2019: World Series Game 6
This is the best photo we have of the "terrible" tattoo to date. We now know that it starts with a cursive M, as we can clearly see in these photos.
But what does it stand for? Manfred? Minute Maid Park? Marisnick? Mhouston Mastros? MMMBop? The tattoo remains a mystery, for now.
Feb. 16, 2020: The disappearing tattoo
Twitter user @ChrisJr_NYYST tweets a screenshot of Altuve's tattoo side by side with a still from the video from his ALCS walk-off homerun, and the tattoo appears to have vanished. The images are nine days apart.
To the left is the picture being used to prove Altuve had a tattoo that he was trying to hide in the ALCS walk off game vs #Yankees.. but the pic is from the World Series.
— Chris Stacy (@ChrisJr_NYYST) February 16, 2020
To the right is his ALCS walk off to win the pennant. Can’t seem to find that tattoo anywhere in ALCS pics. pic.twitter.com/FMQBsoOHDm
Grainy camera? Bad angle and lighting? Makeup application in case his teammates manage to rip off the jersey despite his protests?
Or did he get the tattoo between Oct. 20 and 29, instead of the original August date he mentioned? Impossible to tell.
Feb. 17, 2020: The tattoo is seen for the first time!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE GOT HIM ...
... almost. We still haven't actually seen the tattoo, but scores of reporters tweet about seeing it in the clubhouse as Altuve deliberately shows it off.
Jose Altuve was not wearing a shirt when he just walked past a big group reporters in the Astros clubhouse. He has “Melanie,” his daughters name, tattooed on his left clavicle with a pink heart. That did not seem like an accident.
— Sam Fortier (@Sam4TR) February 17, 2020
Classic: Jose Altuve walks to locker, towel over shoulder. Big mob of reporters. He grabs some workout stuff, drops towel from shoulder, reveals tatioo, walks off as he’s pulling shirt over head without a word.
— Scott Miller (@ScottMillerBbl) February 17, 2020
Melanie! His daughters name! What a sweet gesture.
So now we're finally at the end of the timeline. However, there are still a few more loose ends to wrap up.
Why can't we see the tattoo? Who would be ashamed of having their daughter's name?
Why did Altuve sit for multiple sessions? A tattoo of this size likely wouldn't take more than a few hours.
The Astros never made it back to San Francisco during the season. Did he leave a tattoo that, by our estimate, is no more than three or four inches long, unfinished for months? Did he go back to San Francisco after the season ended to finish the tattoo, which seems excessive considering they were in San Francisco for 4 days when he originally got it?
Who gave him the tattoo? Altuve only follows one tattoo artist on instagram (@tattoosbynathanc) and it looks like he's known more for his portrait tattoos and his studio in New York, not San Francisco.
Is it possible that Altuve got the tattoo in its entirety, and Correa simply used it as an excuse to justify him not taking off his shirt when he was wearing a buzzer? (this one is for the conspiracy fans).
We may never know.