An outburst about towels, a blow-up at his box for wearing masks, some sly digs at Stefanos Tsitsipas, underarm serves, tweeners, aces and drop shots. It was all on display for Nick Kyrgios in his first-round US Open match with Roberto Bautista-Agut.
Sadly for him, a win wasn't on that list, as Bautista-Agut claimed a 6-3 6-4 6-0 victory in a match that finished at 12:45am in New York.
Bautista-Agut will play Finland's Emil Ruusuvuori in the second round.
The non-tennis action started early, and lasted all match.
Kyrgios had a problem with where his towels were situated, claiming he had to walk too far to get them in between points.
Due to COVID-19 restrictions, towels are now placed on platforms at the back of the court.
In sweltering and humid conditions at Flushing Meadows, Kyrgios regularly needed a towel to wipe himself of sweat, but didn't appreciate being made to take the extra steps to the platforms to retrieve them.
He began throwing the towels towards the platform after he'd used them, and occasionally the towel fell onto the ground, forcing chair umpire Carlos Bernardes to get involved.
No one else is allowed to touch a player's towel.
Kyrgios and Bernardes had a series of at-times heated discussions about it.
Carlos Bernardes telling Kyrgios to put his towel at the designated place and not just throw it.#USOpen pic.twitter.com/UETH16p9nm
— Tennis GIFs 🎾🎥 (@tennis_gifs) August 31, 2021
When told "it's part of the game," Kyrgios responded with a sly dig at Stefanos Tsitsipas.
"It's not part of the game. So texting someone's part of the game too?" he said.
"Taking 20 min bathroom breaks is part of the game? I need to take a shit, part of the game."
Kyrgios was referring to the eight minute toilet break Tsitsipas took in his five-set match with Andy Murray earlier in the day.
Murray accused the world number three of cheating, before Tsitsipas won a nearly five-hour epic.
A week ago in Cincinnati, Alexander Zverev accused Tsitsipas of taking his phone into the toilet to receive coaching instructions during their match.
There was more to come from Kyrgios on Louis Armstrong.
After being broken in the first set, his two-person supporters box offered some words of advice and encouragement. But because they were wearing masks, he said he couldn't see what they were saying.
"You're the only two in here wearing a mask," he fumed.
"I'm looking at you and all I see is a mask. I can't understand what you're saying."
Down a break in the second set, Kyrgios was hit with a time violation after wiping sweat off his arms before serving. After holding, he asked Bernardes about it, and returned to his criticism of Tsitsipas.
"I have to walk back to the box to wipe my arm because I'm sweating, and I get a time violation," Kyrios said.
"But someone can go to the bathroom for 20 minutes and it's OK? Explain that to me.
"Explain it to me. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense. Let me wipe the sweat off my arms.
"Explain someone having a 20 minute toilet break."
As Kyrgios unravelled, Bautista-Agut remained a picture of composure, breaking early in the third set as Kyrgios had yet another run-in with Bernardes over the towels.
In strictly tennis terms, there were flashes of brilliance from Kyrgios, but Bautista-Agut was simply better on the day.
Kyrgios went 0-3 on underarm serves, but nailed a long tweener as he served to stay in the first set.
But Bautista-Agut delivered plenty of magic of his own on his way to his second win in three matches against the world number 86.
The 18th seed faced just one breakpoint - in the very first game of the match - gave up fewer than half as many unforced errors as Kyrgios and went at over 80 per cent on first serves.