Paul 'Fatty' Vautin has (hilariously) broadcasted a grave warning following an agonising ordeal earlier this year: "Don't ever get a kidney stone".
The 59-year-old larrikin stayed in hospital for four days in anguish after contracting the excruciating condition in April.
The former Footy Show host and Manly legend was in so much pain that he was forced to miss his daughter's Bali wedding as he recovered from surgery.
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Struggling with a problem in his "nether regions", Vautin said he was finally diagnosed with kidney stones after trips to around five different physicians.
He was quickly sent for a 15-minute operation to remove the kidney stones.
While the short procedure went fine, Vautin's suffering was only beginning.
“We did the operation and during the night I’m getting up for a wee-wee and I’ve got this stent hanging out of the bottom of the old fella," Vautin told Macquarie Sports Radio.
"It looks about two inches long and I’m going, ‘What is that’. Then there is some blood and every time I wee, it was like somebody had a blowtorch on the kidney.”
The torture didn't subside and Vautin told the doctor and three nurses of the "horrendous" discomfort he felt when he saw them the next morning.
“They’re all having a look because I’ve got no undies on. I think they were selling tickets at the front door," Vautin said.
The doctor opted to solve the issue quickly by removing the stent – much to Vautin's dismay.
“So he grabs hold of the stent and I’m going, ‘Hang on, hang on, hang on, how long is the sten?’," Vautin said.
“And he goes, ‘Well, there’s two inches of stent, then there’s about one inch of you and then there’s about nine inches going back up into the kidney’."
The nurses in the room started to giggle but it was no laughing matter for Vautin in the moment.
"I go, ‘Is this a medical procedure, do I need anaesthetic? And I didn’t get it [the sentence] out before he [the doctor] goes bang and pulls the whole thing straight out.
“I screamed that hard, I woke up a bloke in a coma two doors down. Seriously. The nurses are on the ground laughing.
“He’s holding this thing up and it’s a foot and a half long.
“Then I spent the next four days in hospital.
"Don’t ever get a kidney stone.”
Sound advice.
