From an outsider’s view, the whole "Michigan Man" ethos is enough to induce a gag.
Athletic director Dave Brandon is out. A perhaps-relieved Michigan fan-base watched the Wolverines throttle Indiana 34-10 on Homecoming. Brady Hoke still seems a few steps behind Brandon on the way out, and those outsiders still can’t fully grasp the program’s self-congratulatory bedrock that was established in 1969.
"This is a time for our alumni to remember what is special in their lives," interim athletic director Jim Hackett said Friday.
That’s why if Hoke is indeed let go, Michigan’s next hire should stay within the Michigan family. Don’t understand?
We never fully understood the ancient Egyptians or Mayans either. We know they were obsessed with time, history and ancestry. We know their civilizations crumbled. We have evidence but still don’t know for sure how they fell so far so fast. Doesn’t that sound like Michigan?
The Big House is still the Big House. Any good Wolverines fan can recite the same statistics Hoke emphasizes every day before practice. We know about the Big House, 42 Big Ten championships and 11 national championships. Outsiders don’t understand why a quarterback would wear No. 98 and why a Heisman Trophy winner from 1948 means so much.
Outsiders want to see something else.
Who cares what they think? What outsiders can never grasp is that Michigan alumni and fans on some level believe they are blood relatives to the coaches who run "their" program.
The anthology starts with Bo Schembechler. He’s the grandfather who built that rock in 1969. Those alumni Hackett referenced likely spent a chilly Saturday morning reminiscing about the good ‘ol times with Bo like those brats from "The Big Chill." That film was released in 1983.
For three hours against underwhelming Indiana, Michigan at least masqueraded as the part of an old Schembechler grinder, even if it meant going 4-5.
That’s the frustration. It’s not so much about what Michigan is now. It’s what Michigan is supposed to be. It hasn’t been the same since Schembechler passed away in 2007. Consider that Schembechler lost 24 Big Ten games from 1969-89. Rich Rodriguez and Brady Hoke have combined for 22 losses since 2000.
Since Bo, Michigan alumni and fans have suffered from daddy issues. Gary Moeller and Lloyd Carr got your attention, but it wasn’t quite the same as Grandpa Bo. Rich Rodriguez was the arrogant out-of-town stepdad. Hoke has the right DNA, but he’s become increasingly hard to take seriously.
Michigan fans are still looking for another father figure, and the ancestry search turns up the same Google results. Jim Harbaugh, the prodigal son and closest living thing to Schembechler.
If not Jim, then John. If not a Harbaugh, then Les Miles. Those in Ann Arbor have openly groveled for through two coaching changes since Carr retired. That’s what the family tree says, dammit.
They all meet the basic paternal requirement. They were born in either Ohio or Michigan, and they understand what it means to be a "Michigan Man."
If the Wolverines can’t land one of those guys, then the gene pool runs thin As far as Power 5 coaches go, that means taking a run at Tennessee’s Butch Jones, a Michigan native who played at Ferris State. Otherwise, it’s time to expand the search, which turns up hard-to-embrace names. Bret Bielema? Dan Mullen? Pat Fitzgerald?
That’s why Hackett or whoever winds up athletic director must sell out to land one of the Harbaughs, Miles or even Jones if Hoke is shown out. What, you don’t think it will work?
Look down the road at Ohio State. The Buckeyes have dominated the Big Ten since 2001 with Jim Tressel and Urban Meyer, both born-and-bred in Ohio. Before that, John Cooper compiled a 111-43-4 record with the Buckeyes, but the Tennessee native is still seen as a pariah in Columbus because of his 2-10-1 record against the Wolverines.
Think about that: A coach with a .707 winning percentage is a pariah.
Look up the road at Michigan State. Mark Dantonio, an Ohio-born former Ohio State defensive coordinator who turned the Spartans into a premier program. Out-of-towners John L. Smith and Bobby Williams couldn’t do that, no chance.
That’s how it is when you live in Ohio and Michigan. It’s an insular and provincial attitude, but it’s an insular and provincial attitude that’s prevailed since the 1800s. The other 48 states simply don’t matter outside of recruiting or vacation.
The highest compliment a Michigan coach can receive is, "He gets it." Whoever Michigan brings in must get it against the Buckeyes and Spartans head on first and forever. Rodriguez and Hoke are 2-11 against those schools. Hoke has one more chance at the Buckeyes.
That’s why Wolverines need to sell out and bring home the right "Michigan Man." Whatever it takes, outsiders be damned. If not, then Hoke might just have to stay another year until there is a proper DNA match. Perhaps Hoke, now free of Brandon’s reach, can do things his way. Or Saturday could be just a mirage and the delay of another hard-to-swallow truth, which comes Nov. 29 at Ohio Stadium.
At that point, the "Michigan Man" question will need answered again, with or without Hoke.
Otherwise the program will wind up like those Mayans and Egyptians, obsessed with time, history and ancestry. There will always be an appreciation from afar for what was, but there never will be a return to what should be.
And we’ll always wonder what the hell happened in between.
