Matt Farley is a genius.
As detailed at VICE Sports and Deadspin, Farley is the dude who figured out how to game the Spotify system by writing ridiculous songs that people might stumble across by searching "Lauryn Hill" or "Kurt Vonnegut" or whatever. He's got more than 14,000 songs to his name that, despite the crazy-low fees Spotif pays artists, netted him $5,000 last year on that service alone.
Why is this relevant to the NHL? Of those 14,000-ish songs, a few hundred are about sports. And of those few hundred, published under names like "The Athletic Sports Band," a handful are about hockey players. Here they are. You deserve to listen to them.
On Henrik Lundqvist: What a very very very good hockey player … he doesn't let the puck get past him very often!
On Phil Kessel: Hockey legend! Good man! NHL! Scoring defense! Playing defense! Hitting people!
On Steven Stamkos: Oh yeah! He is the guy I like the most!
On Henrik and Daniel Sedin: They can communicate because they're identical!
On Alex Ovechkin: He's a very good athlete! He's got big muscles!
On Sidney Crosby: He is a hockey genius! He is so good at playin' hockey! Skatin' round, skatin' so nice.
On Tuukka Rask ... actually, just listen to that one all the way through. You know what, do that with all them. Thank you, Matt. Thank you so much.