The only way Pat Cummins’ first proper day as Australian Test captain could have been more perfect is if he’d stopped off to feed animals in the zoo or drank sangria in the park on the way back to the team hotel.
Even when he lost in the morning, Cummins won; the coin toss went England’s way and Joe Root’s decision to bat first gave Australia’s bowlers first dibs with the new ball without Cummins having to make a decision to insert, a choice that can seem risky at best and foolish when it backfires.
As it turned out, Australia had the perfect blend of ingredients to serve England on a first innings platter; friendly conditions, a helpful pitch, bowlers who nailed their lengths and undercooked English batters who often struggled to judge the Gabba bounce or negate the Kookaburra’s movement.
The flawless start to the immaculate day came with the opening ball from Mitchell Starc; over the wicket to a hapless Rory Burns who fell across his stumps and left his leg pole exposed to Starc’s tailing yorker.
Starc, starting the series in his usual mode of shrugging off familiar critics, let fly with a ferocious roar that evoked Dale Steyn at his neck-muscles-bulging, forehead-vein-popping best; the first bowler to claim a wicket with the first ball of an Ashes series in 85 years.
While theories of whether it was a deliberate plan or a fortunate consequence of Burns’ technique were being bandied about, the metronomic Hazlewood zeroed in on that perfect length and let the pitch and the seam do the rest, just enough to draw the edges of Dawid Malan and Root; more doses of perfection for his new skipper.
As the day wore on, each piece of the Australian collective turned over another golden nugget for Cummins to collect; the two-over spells from Starc kept England guessing, debutant wicket-keeper Alex Carey snaffled every nick that flew his way, Cameron Green took his first Test wicket while the rest fielded sharply.
And to top it all off, there was Cummins himself.
He may have stepped into the role in awkward and distressing circumstances, replacing a friend who had fallen from grace but he has handled each question and each new responsibility with grace, humility and maturity; when he walked out in the bright morning sunshine and handed Australia’s team sheet to his opposite number, the blazer suited him well.
Any questions about his ability to lead the team without losing his edge or concentration while bowling evaporated with each wicket; his delivery to dismiss Ben Stokes was a beauty that squared England’s talisman up with pace, an awkward line and steeping bounce, he scuppered the mounting resistance of Haseeb Hameed and made short work of Ollie Robinson and Mark Wood.
When he finished off England’s innings by drawing a top edge from Chris Woakes the most surprising realisation that this was only his first Ashes five-wicket haul.
To underline the rarity of his achievement, it’s worth remembering the last captain to claim a five-for on his first day as skipper was Imran Khan in 1982.
And he’d managed to snuff out Englands resistance just in time to beat the rain that would prematurely end the day’s play, denying England any chance to take advantage of any lingering assistance and take early wickets.
There was even a moment of humorous collaboration with his new vice-captain.
As Cummins led Australia off the ground, raising the ball to the crowd in acknowledgement of his five wickets, he was asked which roller he wanted the ground staff to use.
Having no real experience in such matters, and not having realised the decision would fall to him, Cummins deferred to Steve Smith, who told him to ask for “the big one”; he did so and the heavy roller was wheeled out.
During the previous day, a former Australian captain was honoured at the Gabba, Allan Border unveiling a statue in his likeness outside the ground.
When Cummins was asked how he felt about joining the ranks of an illustrious captains’ club that included Border, he grinned as he referred to ‘Captain Grumpy’.
What did he think his own moniker might eventually be?
He hoped it might reflect a captain who was relaxed, one who played with a smile.
Captain Relaxed or Captain Smiley may not have quite the same ring as Border’s nickname but Cummins was both on his first day on the job.
There will be other days when captaincy isn’t this easy, perhaps even in this Test or this series, days when problems aren’t all left alone.
But whatever happens in the future, the first day of the Ashes at the Gabba will forever be remembered as Patrick Cummins’ perfect day.
