Every now and then a football fan decides the highly strung moments at the end of an AFL match is a good time to tell the losing coach what they did wrong as they walk past.
An Adelaide supporter gave some advice to Richmond's Damien Hardwick on Thursday night, and quickly received a word or two in return.
In the modern game, with television cameras on every square inch of the arena, no one is dumb enough to actually do something incriminating (take note Australian cricketers) for fear of the fall out.
But if someone did push a coach's buttons just a little too hard, or foolishly left the harassment to the privacy of the car park, which of the current AFL coaches would walk away calmly from a loudmouth supporter and which would walk away calmly from an unconcious, beaten and bloodied loudmouth supporter?
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The Rover's had to look these guys in the eyes and ask the hard questions in the past. Here's how he rates them for hardness:
Chris Fagan (Brisbane)
Fighting name: Dirty Old Man
Weight division: Middleweight
After spending years in the gym as a sparring partner and janitor, Fagan isn’t the scariest guy in the coaches box. If the Lions coach gets angry he’s more likely to turn blue and pass out than take a swing.
Brendon Bolton (Carlton)
Fighting name: DeadBolt
Weight division: Flyweight
Bolton wouldn’t step back from a barnie but his punches would be like a strong autumn breeze … around your ankles.
Don Pyke (Adelaide)
Fighting name: The Don
Weight division: Welterweight
Like his press conferences Pyke is more likely to bore an opponent to death than actually strike anyone with a fist, and it would all be over in under three minutes.
Leon Cameron (GWS)
Fighting name: Leon The Professional
Weight division: Lightweight
You get the idea the Giants coach could dodge all day but would have trouble hitting back. Doesn’t matter, he’s surrounded by plenty of talent to do the hitting for him.
Ken Hinkley (Port Adelaide)
Fighting name: The Power Surge
Weight division: Welterweight
With a nose like that Hinkley is either a pacifist or a damn good fighter. We know he can crank it up a bit, but he leaves most of the dirty stuff for Kochy.
John Longmire (Sydney)
Fighting name: The Hungman
Weight division: Heavyweight
I once heard a man described as ‘walking with the laid-back confidence of the incredibly well hung’. That’s Horse. You don’t need to fight when everyone already knows you’re the biggest bloke in the room.
Simon Goodwin (Melbourne)
Fighting name: Pretty Boy
Weight division: Middleweight
Goodwin seems like he could go a few rounds toe-to-toe with the best, but then he didn’t put up much fight and almost threw in the towel over that camp fiasco. Still, he’s young enough and fit enough to do some damage.
Adam Simpson (West Coast)
Fighting name: The Washing Machine
Weight division: Welterweight
There’s a calmness about 'Simmo' that brings to mind the old saying 'Talk quietly and carry a big stick'. It's almost like he's saying “Go on son, take a swing”. Personally I wouldn’t.
Damien Hardwick (Richmond)
Fighting name: Hardman
Weight division: Middleweight
He looks soft, he acts soft, but then that’s the way he was on the football field, and then he’d snot someone twice his size. Don’t underestimate the Hardman.
Richmond coach Damien Hardwick has had a heated encounter with an Adelaide fan immediately after his side's loss. WATCH: https://t.co/gZFklux2Ag #AFLCrowsTigers pic.twitter.com/1RAHczeXSY
— FOX FOOTY LIVE (@FOXFootyLive) March 29, 2018
Stuart Dew (Gold Coast)
Fighting name: The Precipitator
Weight division: Heavyweight
He’s probably only good for one or two swings, but they’d be big and there’d be plenty of intent behind them. If Dew ever gets nasty in your face, turn around and walk away – he won’t be able to catch you.
Chris Scott (Geelong)
Fighting name: Silent Death
Weight division: Middleweight
He might talk like an interior designer but when you’ve spent all your life, from conception to current day, with an angry and pugnacious twin brother, you learn to give as good as you get.
Alan Richardson (St Kilda)
Fighting name: Sweet Lips
Weight division: Lightweight
You don’t get a mouth like Richo’s by talking your way out of trouble.
Nathan Buckley (Collingwood)
Fighting name: End of the Line
Weight division: Super middleweight
Buckley has learned to stay cool and composed in a crisis over the past few years, but you can’t help thinking one of these days the levee will break, and you don’t want to be there when it happens. That won’t be floodwater in your shoes.
John Worsfold (Essendon)
Fighting name: The Smiling Assassin
Weight division: Light heavyweight
Woosha has always been an intelligent, well-spoken and deep-thinking man, even when he was belting blokes on the half-back flank.
Brad Scott (North Melbourne)
Fighting name: In Your Face
Weight division: Middleweight
The Kangas coach gets up on his toes, chin in the air and fists at the ready when his mum gives him a birthday kiss, so heaven help the opposition fan who thinks it’ll be a bit of fun to remind him that he’s the second-best twin.
Luke Beveridge (Western Bulldogs)
Fighting name: The Bulldog’s Bite
Weight division: Middleweight
All that new-age man love we saw Bevo spewing forth after the 2016 flag win has turned into, simply, spew. If you want to see what I mean, just ask about the toxic culture behind the scenes at the Bulldogs. Go on, I dare you.
Ross Lyon (Fremantle)
Fighting name: The Undercutter
Weight division: Heavyweight
I have no doubt Ross would be the best grandfather a kid could hope for – loving, devoted, a bouncy knee and a great voice to get through Horton Hears a Who at bedtime. But one of these days he’s going to kill someone with premeditated and violent confusion.
Alastair Clarkson (Hawthorn)
Fighting name: The Syndrome
Weight division: Super Lightweight
Let’s face it, no one pushes Clarko’s buttons - no one’s that stupid. He may not have invented the term ‘small-man syndrome’ … but if he says he did then agree with him. It’s not worth dying for.
