Whoever thought the AFL’s new reporting system was going to work must be the same guy that decided western Sydney was the ideal spot for a new team.
Trimming the match review body from three people down to one does two things: it saves a few thousand dollars in wages and it creates mayhem in the mind of Michael Christian.
Here’s a guy who, after eight weeks in the job, is second-guessing himself like a 10-year-old with 50 cents at a sweets shop counter.
It was all so clear in his head at the beginning of the season: “Touch an umpire – one week, dangerous tackle – two weeks, the head is sacrosanct, racist and sexist comments are not good”.
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Now though, it’s all of a muddle and he’s got no one to run options past except his missus, and if you think he’s confused just imagine poor Nancy Christian.
Forget, if you can, about Ryan Burton being cleared after putting Shaun Higgins in hospital, when the Hawk chose to run into the unprotected Roo at full pace, braced for the massive impact that he knew Higgins wasn’t ready for.
Forget, if you can, about Nic Naitanui copping a week for being bigger than Karl Amon.
But remember Tom Hawkins admitting he shouldn’t have made contact with an umpire and suggesting he take one match off as punishment. I don’t recall the Tribunal telling Tomahawk it wasn’t necessary.
“Don’t worry Tommy, we don’t do that anymore. You want to give the umpy a little pat, just go right ahead.”
Because that’s what the Curnow boys must have been told. “Push the umpire away, brush him off, and if you want to tell him he’s a freak because of a birthmark or some other defect, or simply because he’s an umpire, then go for it. We love that stuff – gives us a right old laugh, it does!
“Don’t have a go at his old man though, because he might be dead, and that’s not on.”
Seriously, Christian must have felt on top of his game when Hawkins put his hand up to accept the penalty, but as soon as Ed and Charlie walked free his head would have been spinning like Nic Nat had landed on him.
Charlie & Ed Curnow outside AFL House. pic.twitter.com/1K8pc2DfsP
— Sergio Paradise (@serge_para) May 15, 2018
I want you to understand, I’m not having a go at our man Michael – he’s a dead-set lovable bloke just trying to get ahead in the world – but every time the AFL tries to improve something it ‘s guaranteed to go further down the toilet.
Think ‘third-man up’ rules, think ‘insufficient intent’, think AFLX.
They changed the Match Review Panel to an Officer because everyone complained about the inconsistencies of the panel, so what better way to go than to bring in a system that relies on the mind of one man, and then mess with that man’s mind by basing the Tribunal’s decisions on whether the roll of a dice.
Don’t know if many of you kids know the groundbreaking 80s’ movie Scanners, but Mrs Christian might find herself dealing with this on a Monday morning in the near future.
Unfortunately the video’s too graphic for me to show, but things get messy a frame or two after this.
